HIKING IN VIRGINIA TO GRIEVE
Recently, I experienced an unexpected death in my family. I was met with sleepless nights and bouts of sadness. When Morgan asked if I wanted to drive to Virginia and hike, I thought it was a great idea to get myself out of the funk. And also to grieve. Grieving is something that's a process which includes 5 stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). These stages don't go in any order but I know that I've been experiencing the shock and denial stage.
Hiking the Big Schloss via Wolf Gap Trail was physically exhausting as it's uphill most of the time. The hike was 2 miles one way but felt like 5. It was rocky and strenuous. I was also not used to the altitude change. Those moments of physical exhaustion, I channeled my cousin's motivation and inner strength. I thought about him. Sometimes those thoughts motivated me and sometimes those thoughts saddened me. That's the thing about grief. But I kept hiking.
Morgan and I found a tree that was split in half. She said lightening must of hit the tree for the split. We decided to get inside the tree for laughs and fun. Morgan also found blackberries along the way. She asked if I wanted to eat them. I was cautious but told her that I would eat one if she did. We ate the berries together. They were actually really good.
The scenery during the hike was majestic. Butterflies, eagles, caterpillars, worms, blackberries and caves were all the apart of the nature walk.
After many water and out of breath breaks, we finally reached the top of the mountain.
We reached peace. We sat quiet for a short time to just take in the view. I thought about my cousin. And I smiled. Because I knew that's what he would be doing at that very moment. I could also finally be vulnerable with Morgan and tell her the great memories of my cousin.
And P E A C E.
We snapped a few pictures and ate some snacks Morgan had packed (the mama always packs great snacks). There was a higher mountain we could climb however Morgan and I was afraid because the mountain was so close to an edge. I decided to climb the mountain. I needed to conquer the fear and feel connected to my cousin. I kept saying:
"this is for you Jordan."
I climbed and reached the other side. I was nervous but stood up bravely on the rock.
I DID IT!
And in that brief moment, my grief had subsided. Comforting family, I've stated to continue his legacy and that's what this moment meant to me. Continuing his legacy through bravery, confidence, hard work and determination. In everything I do. Because he used that formula to accomplish so much by the age of 20.
Throughout the hike, Morgan and I talked about childhood, relationships, love, adulthood and the future. We both released a lot of energy and gained positive reinforcement during this hike. We both needed one another's friendship and I'm grateful that I got to be vulnerable and grieve.
